My Story – Robin Goodspeed

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Jesus Christ Freed Me From Homosexuality

Robin Goodspeed, Advisory Board Member, Former President, Voice of the Voiceless
Experiences: Formerly Identified as Lesbian, Disciple of Jesus, Healing through Jesus

My name is Robin Goodspeed. I am a grateful Christian Ex-Lesbian, Ex-Queer. I was born in the 1950s and I lived most of my adult life as a lesbian. In 2009, in my 50s, I was freed from the horrible homosexual life I lived by the grace of God and the power of Jesus Christ.

I was not born queer. I was not “born that way.” I was sexually abused in a life threatening way at the age of 2 by a female pedophile babysitter without the knowledge of my family. I was born and raised in the Midwest and came from a middle class family with a working, agnostic father and a stay-at-home, devout Christian mother. I was the oldest of three siblings. I went to school and attended church. However, as a result of being sexually abused, I suffered a nervous breakdown at the age of 13 and began a life-long battle with anger, depression, addiction, violence, and suicide. I developed crushes on female teachers and coaches. I went from being a happy, active “A” student to an angry, depressed “D” student. I knew I needed help so I went to my church youth group.

My youth pastor, instead of helping me, offered me marijuana. I knew that was not help and refused. I turned away from the church and from God and became an angry atheist. I needed help desperately, but my family could not afford, and did not believe in, therapy and I began making choices that led to a life of homosexuality.

I had my first lesbian sexual experience in college after getting drunk and waking up in bed with my best female friend. In spite of my depression, eating disorder, alcohol addiction, and suicidal thinking, I was deeply ashamed of my first lesbian encounter. In my heart of hearts I knew it was wrong. My sexual abuse driven self-loathing was so deeply rooted that I refused to speak to school counselors. I stopped going to class and purposely flunked out of that school, trying to leave my lesbian partner and lesbian desires behind. This began another dysfunctional, life-long pattern of geographical cures, but it also forced my parents to admit that I needed help and the next year I saw my first therapist, an MD psychiatrist, while I went to junior college in my home town.

However, I never talked about my lesbian experiences and lesbian desires to the therapist and only talked about my depression and compulsive overeating. The next year I went to my home state university and the shame I felt about my lesbian attractions lessened as my addictive eating, alcoholic drinking, and suicidal obsession increased. I developed compulsive attractions to female students and finally began a secret, closeted lesbian relationship with one of my sorority sisters. My alcoholic drinking and suicidal obsession escalated and many nights I would get drunk, get behind the wheel of my car with the intent of killing myself, and wake up the next morning suffering from a blackout and not remembering how I got home. I know now that it was the grace of God that kept me from killing myself and/or someone else.

I finally managed to graduate from college, but my lesbian partner left me and I struck out for another city in the Midwest, known for being homosexual-friendly, and became an “out”, angry, atheist lesbian. My depression, addiction, and suicidal obsession never left me and I sought counseling help and was told for the first time that I was “born homosexual.” This was by a lesbian therapist at the state university in that city who also tried to seduce me.

I sought out 12 Step groups, which have been called “poor man’s therapy”, because due to my dysfunctional life and dysfunctional work life, I did not have the money to seek out more professional therapy. I found the same “born homosexual” belief there and that fit well with my atheist belief system. My atheist religion worshipped at the altar of science and if a “professional” or the growing atheist culture told me that I was “born queer” then it was my DNA or my genes that were responsible for my life and my choices, not me. I also embraced the Higher Power concept of the 12 Step programs. As an atheist, I was the center of my own universe and the 12 Step programs taught me that I could make my Higher Power anything I wanted. That was code for my Higher Power being me. In spite of never finding healing or peace, I did keep from killing myself, learn to manage my misery better, and become minimally functional and productive.

I went to many counselors for depression, addiction, and suicide during the 1970’s, 80’s, and 90’s and, beginning with the lesbian counselor, every one of them told me what I have come to know now as the blatant, bold faced lie of being “born homosexual.” I received, what I now call, “Born Gay, Be Happy, Take a Pill” therapy.

On my 40th birthday, facing another suicidal crisis brought about by my emerging memories of life threatening sexual abuse, I was able to see a therapist who helped me face what had happened to me as a small child and heal the night terrors that I had suffered from for a life time. The suicidal compulsion was healed, but even this therapist, who helped me face the sexual abuse I suffered as a small child, told me “That’s who you are. You’re a homosexual.” This was while I was on suicide watch. Again, a “professional” perpetrated the lie and I embraced the lie because, as a homosexual, I was never held accountable for my choices or the damage that I did to myself and others.

I embraced the homosexual life and lived for most of 35 years as an “out” lesbian. I brought my lesbian partners to work and all work functions in the corporate world where I worked in various administrative assistant positions. I participated in homosexual rights political groups like Human Rights Campaign (HRC) as a volunteer. I was an in-your-face, dyke-on-a-bike, and rode my motorcycle in black leather with my lesbian partner in Gay Pride Parades. I helped manage a lesbian club committed to supporting the lesbian community where I lived and facilitating “hook-ups” for “late blooming” lesbians. I vacationed at homosexual resorts.

But eventual long term sobriety and multiple lesbian relationships did not bring peace or remove my deep seated shame. I never even considered confronting the lie that I was “born that way.” I became a permanent, angry, atheist homosexual victim, and in the words of the 12 Step Programs, “constitutionally incapable of being honest with myself.”

In 2007 three life changing events occurred; the breakup of another lesbian relationship, the loss of another but more lucrative job, and the death of my father. Suffering shame, guilt, and grief and with the help of another 12 Step program, Adult Children of Alcoholics, for the first time I began to honestly question whether I was “born queer.” The only person in my life, who had never surrendered to that lie, was my mother, a devout Christian. She never stopped praying for my healing, and in my heart of hearts, I knew that she was right and that I was wrong. God allowed these events, that I considered crises at the time, in order to reach me and I came to admit, eventually then emphatically, that I was not “born homosexual.”

I went back to church. At first, I attended the denomination of my childhood at a large downtown cathedral in the west coast city where I was then living. It embraced homosexuality and all of the men in the large choir, including the choir master and his partner, the main soloist, were homosexual. I began to realize that I had made choices that led to my life of homosexuality and that I and I alone, was responsible for those choices. As a permanent homosexual victim, I had made everyone and everything else responsible for my desperate unhappiness. With the death of my father, I had no one left to blame.

The last obstacles to my healing were the mountain of shame that I lived under and the paralyzing fear that I was too bad, too sinful for God to forgive me. I knew that I was going to hell because I had been living in my own hell on earth for a lifetime. I sincerely began searching for a Bible Believing Church and finally, in 2009, God led me to witness the filmed testimony of a man freed from alcoholism, drug addiction, and suicide through the power of Jesus Christ. I knew instantly that Jesus Christ could heal me of homosexuality. With tears streaming down my face, I fell to my knees in a dark, empty theatre and I asked Jesus to come into my heart and forgive me and He did. I was freed immediately from all desire to continue in the homosexual life and filled with an amazing and powerful peace.

I spent the next several years extricating myself from the lesbian prison that I had created for myself. God led me to a supportive Christian Evangelical Bible Preaching Church and Christian Singles Group where I was free to talk about my conversion experience, talk about leaving homosexuality, and share my Ex-Homosexual testimony. I adopted a very simple litmus test for any Christian church that I wanted to attend. If a Christian pastor or minister refused to state that homosexuality is a sin from the pulpit or any of the congregation refused to state that homosexuality is a sin in public, then that was not a church that I wanted to be a part of.

As an active atheist homosexual, I was a committed unrepentant sinner. As a Christian Ex-Homosexual, I knew that I was not born that way and that homosexuality is a choice, a behavior, and a sin. There is no such thing as an unrepentant, committed, active homosexual Christian. The two are mutually exclusive. For my continued healing, I left the lesbian groups, friends, and small business that I had been a part of. Through God’s grace, I was able to eventually move from the west coast to the Midwest to be closer to my mother who had become ill. God facilitated a profound healing in me and a heartfelt reconciliation between me and my mother. My mother went to her heavenly reward in 2012, but she lived to see me accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, leave the heathen homosexual life that I had chosen, and begin to speak the truth about the choice, behavior, and sin of homosexuality.

I did not choose to be sexually abused as a child, but I did choose homosexuality. I was not “born queer.” And through the grace of God and the power of Jesus Christ, today I am one of thousands of Ex-Homosexuals who have left homosexuality. There are now excellent Licensed Professional Therapists doing Reparative Therapy that help children, adults, and families heal from sexual abuse and unwanted same sex attraction.

All children, families, and adults deserve the choice to heal. Today innocent and abused children, like I was, are being deceived and enslaved in homosexuality by a growing amoral atheist culture that celebrates all promiscuity, a psychotherapy community that refuses to tell the truth about the choice and negative consequences of homosexuality, and a legal system that wants to criminalize, and then persecute for profit, the professionals trying to help. The dark design of a homosexual-driven agenda alleging reparative therapy harm intends to re-victimize children who have already been sexually abused and traumatized by sexual predators and then enslave them in the homosexual life until the age of 18, when the damage already done to them is harder to heal. This is cruel and inhumane punishment.

The natural consequences of my choice to live a homosexual life were; shame, depression, anger, addiction, disease, violence, and suicide. I never received the benefits of Professional Reparative Therapy, but the counseling and 12 Step support that I did receive kept me alive long enough for God to finally reach and heal me. When I reached out for and received His help and healing, I was freed from the hideous homosexual life that I chose and all the misery that went with it. Thousands like me have left homosexuality through the grace of God and the power of Jesus Christ. God’s forgiveness and healing are available to all.

I, and thousands like me, have been called to tell the truth about homosexuality. The foundational lie of genetic homosexuality has been perpetrated throughout western culture by the homosexual cabal with no scientific proof whatsoever. Satan is the Father of Lies and many decades of repetition of the “born that way” lie, along with a false perception and promotion of homosexual victimhood has created a justification for homosexual power and privilege, which has always been the real agenda. The truth is that there is no scientific data or proof that there is a homosexual gene or that anyone is “born homosexual.”

Homosexuality is not a civil right based on immutable factors like race or gender. (Yes, your DNA does define your immutable gender. You were born XY or XX and you cannot change it.) Homosexuality is a choice, a behavior, and a sin. The psychotherapy community knows the truth, but has been pushing the “born homosexual” lie for decades to gain political power. There is no scientific data to support a queer gene, but there are identical twin studies, among many others, that prove that homosexuality is a choice and a behavior.

I am an Ex-Homosexual and I, and thousands like me, are the living proof that homosexuality is a choice. Our goal is to speak the truth to the world that there is incredible hope and healing available to all. Anyone can choose to leave homosexuality. If you have an Ex-Homosexual story like mine, you are invited to share it here, like me, to encourage others.

This story was submitted from MY VOICE / MY STORY form on Voice of the Voiceless (